Only Now Exists

I can never just have anything for myself. You always have to swoop in and take everything from...

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 01:35:21 -0400

I can never just have anything for myself. You always have to swoop in and take everything from me… Can I please just have one thing of my own? PLEASE.

I’m so sick of you and your bullshit that no one else can see but me.

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 16:37:00 -0500

I’m so sick of you and your bullshit that no one else can see but me.

Burdens

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 19:47:16 -0500

These past few days, reality has just wacked me in the face… HARD.

-I knew college was hard, but not this hard. I just feel like such a idiot compared to everyone else here. Everyone is so intelligent and intellectual, and I’m over derping on my own. It’s like no matter how hard I try here, it’s never good enough.

-I go to school everyday wondering if I’ll have the privilege of coming back here next semester. I wasn’t good enough to make it into McCombs the first time, so this whole year I’ve been working on getting in, but what if its not enough? What if I end up not getting in? I can’t help but doubt myself. If I don’t end up getting in this year, that’s it for me… I’ll be forced to go back to UH, and yeah that’s not such a bad thing, but it kind of is. Why? Because I was selfish enough to decide that I was going to go here without thinking about my family and they’re thoughts about it. I knew my parents wanted me to go to UH, reallly bad, but I selfishly decided that I wanted to go here, so I did. But did I really stop to think about how it would affect my family? No, and that’s the problem. IF I don’t make it: Then I threw away an $18,000 scholarship for nothing. I wasted my parents money by coming here just to get sent right back. Yeah it looks like I’m super bougie and I have soooo much money, but in reality, we have financial struggles just like everyone else. So all that hard work my dad has to put in just to let me go here would have been a waste, like he invested his money in me just to watch me fail. UGH, how embarrassing. But most of all, I don’t want to disappoint my parents. They sent me here to see me succeed, not to watch me fail because I wasn’t good enough or smart enough. I just want them to have something to be proud of. I mean, I’m working hard because I really want to stay here, but I am mainly doing this for them. I don’t want to let them down, I don’t want them to have to struggle for nothing. I want them to see that all the struggles that they had to go through to get me here will pay off.

-I’m lonely. Oh damn, there I said it. Seeing all these cute couples around makes me wonder when is it going to be my turn? What is wrong with me? I’M CHEESY! I like the forehead kisses, the feeling of being someone’s “girl,” having someone look at me in “that” way that every girl dreams about, the cute little surprises, the lovely dates and being able to dress up and look fly, the gay couple pictures that everyone laughs at but is jealous of at the same time. I want that, but honestly, I don’t think I’m ever going to have that privilege. Some people do die alone ya know? Okay I sound desperate. I’m done.

I’m always getting left behind. Just once, I want to feel wanted. Is that so hard to ask for?

Fri, 01 Feb 2013 21:38:09 -0500

I’m always getting left behind. Just once, I want to feel wanted. Is that so hard to ask for?

Some people are fortunate enough to get everything handed to them in life.

Wed, 08 Aug 2012 23:51:42 -0400

But some of us actually have to work for what we get, shocker right?

You will always choose them over me and that’s just something I am going to have to accept.

Wed, 01 Aug 2012 02:11:44 -0400

You will always choose them over me and that’s just something I am going to have to accept.

SUMMER BEFORE COLLEGE

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 00:13:27 -0400

I’ve come to the conclusion that the summer before college makes you think a lot. I always catch myself wondering:

Who will I keep in contact with?
It’s easy to say you’re going to be friends with someone forever when you both see each other every day, but when it comes time to separate, will you both keep in contact with each other? Will the distance tear you two apart?

Am I ready to handle the real world?
I’ve been privileged enough as to where I haven’t fully had to face the real world just yet. I have been living in my own little bubble all this time and I don’t know if I’m ready to be fully independent yet. Honestly, I’m still so naive. I still have so much to learn and I guess that’s what college is for. I’ve always had my family there to back me up and support me though, but once I’m in Austin, I am really on my own, without my mom or dad to tell me what is right or wrong, and what I should and shouldn’t do. This will be a test of my own judgement and my morals and values.

What if I don’t succeed?
I’m nowhere near ready to handle the rigor that college has to offer. High school was such a breeze for me! I haven’t even made it into my major yet, and what if I fail so miserably that they won’t accept me? I’m really hoping that I don’t get caught up in the party life because I do need to focus, a lot is riding on my freshman year. If I don’t make it into McCombs, I have to come back to Houston, and I honestly don’t want to do that. UT was supposed to be my moment to be set free, and if I’m forced to come back to Houston, it will be like high school all over again.

The summer before college is so bittersweet. While I’m ready to start fresh and be independent, I’m also sad because I’ll be leaving so many people I love behind. I know I can always come back and visit, but it really isn’t going to be the same considering its people that I see daily. It’s going to be weird waking up and not seeing my mom making tea, my dad with his feet up on the chair talking really loud, Brandon laying across the family room floor playing on his computer, or Steven walking around half naked asking dumb questions. As obnoxious as that sounds, I’m actually going to miss that a lot. I’M READY! But I’M NOT!

It takes two to make a friendship work.

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 00:26:07 -0400

Why is it so hard for people to understand such a simple concept?

Photo

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 23:05:53 -0400

Diversity Night was a good experience! Our performance...

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 01:11:43 -0400

Diversity Night was a good experience! Our performance wasn’t perfect, but for it being the first, it wasn’t so bad. Thanks to Jackie for helping me achieve my goal!

And thanks to the bestest friend in the whole wide world for the flowers, I’ve always wanted a bouquet of roses.

Also a big thanks to everyone who came out to support. I love you guys <3

the-absolute-best-posts: fuckyeahmcgosling: Jimmy: You’ve been...

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 23:27:45 -0400

the-absolute-best-posts:

fuckyeahmcgosling:

Jimmy: You’ve been taking ballet lessons I hear.
Ryan: Alright.
Jimmy: Why have you been taking ballet lessons? Is there a sequel to Black Swan we don’t know about?
Ryan: No. I have no good reason to be taking ballet lessons.
Jimmy: Who are you taking them from?
Ryan: I take them, It’s like a public class.
Jimmy: Who’s in it?
Ryan: A lot of people who are good and then me. I’m terrible. Everyone is good except for me.
Jimmy: Are there any children in the class?
Ryan: Yeah, kids. I’m so bad at it, I’m so unflexible that they have to bring out a special barre when we do the barre work part of the class. It’s a tiny barre and it goes in the middle of the class and I can barely get my leg on it and then there are two 7-year-old girls who sit next to me and do the barre work and they just look at me like they hate me, like I’m cheapening the whole thing by being there! They’re like ‘you’re old, you’re not good and I’ve seen you at movies and it’s weird that you’re here. Why are you here?’

Ryan Gosling on Jimmy Kimmel Live

Submitted by nessastooshort

Follow this blog, you will love it on your dashboard

THAT’S YO MAN COW.

Photo

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:03:15 -0400

‘Cause even the stars they burnSome even fall to the earthWe’ve...

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 22:32:25 -0400

‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up

I often question our friendship.

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 00:29:44 -0400

That’s not a good thing. How can we be friends if you put in absolutely no effort? If I didn’t ask you to hang out, text or call and ask how you were doing, or confide in your like friends are supposed to do, we probably wouldn’t even have a friendship. I used to question what I did wrong, but I’ve come to realize you’re the one who continues to shut me out, continues to flake/bail on our plans, and just kind of use me to your disposal when you have no one else? We’re probably not going to be friends in college, and at this point, I’m not sure if I care.

I FINALLY GOT THE PIMP CUP I’VE WANTED SINCE FRESHMAN...

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 22:47:32 -0400

I FINALLY GOT THE PIMP CUP I’VE WANTED SINCE FRESHMAN YEAR! My day is made. Thank you Isabel Novoa <3 You’re so schweet!

Whoever said senior year wasn't stressful...

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 00:13:02 -0400

YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES!

I don’t think junior year was nearly as stressful as this one. Guess this is what college is like? I’m preppin’ for the next 4 years, AWESOME!

You wonder why I always feel useless and unworthy? Because of people like you.

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 02:17:16 -0400

You wonder why I always feel useless and unworthy?
Because of people like you.

I just need someone to tell me it’s going to be okay.

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 01:23:14 -0400

I just need someone to tell me it’s going to be okay.

Richard Evan and I matched today! We’re too cute.

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 22:32:59 -0400

Richard Evan and I matched today! We’re too cute.

Paula Tran

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 17:00:22 -0400

You’re awesome. I’m so glad you are my cousin!